a bison, angry, anger, agressive, bully

How Do I Forgive?

Anger

I’ve spent 49 years of my life being angry. Angry at myself and angry at a parent. To say I’ve had a difficult relationship with my Mum is an understatement. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when things seemed okay between us, but that was mostly because I did what she wanted me to do.

I lost myself by trying to live up to her expectations and by seeking her approval and love. I’m not going to go into detail in this post about the relationship, I’ll save that for another time. This post is about a Spiritual truth: We are all expressions of Spirit, both good and bad.

During meditation this morning, I sought to connect to a stuck energy that’s been in my body causing Bruxism, TMJ problems, dental problems, a stiff neck and shoulder, and more recently a sore throat.

All of this relates to the THROAT Chakra, and how I do, or do not express myself. All the words that I wish I had spoken. All the emotions that I have swallowed back. They are stuck and causing mayhem in my body.

After half an hour of meditation – once I had let go of the need to know the answers – the truth arrived. And I know this truth, I live it, and have done for the last ten years while pursuing my Spiritual path.

We are all One.

We are all connected.

No matter who we are, or what we do.

We are each an expression of Spirit. 

Life is an expression of Spirit. Heaven is witnessed on Earth. So is Hell. The outer world reflects the inner world. We are mirrors of each other. From some lifetime or another.

This truth – which I already knew – arrived at a deeper level. And it reminded me that my Mum was an expression of Spirit, just like I am, and just like everyone else is. So, all this time I was angry at my Mum, I was angry at Spirit too, because her behaviour is from Spirit.

Everything comes from Spirit.

Everything IS Spirit.

How could I be angry anymore? When everything is Spirit? Whether it is good or bad. If every person was good, and all our experiences were good, how would we learn anything and evolve? How would we know what good is if we have nothing to compare it to?

It’s Human nature to judge something or someone as good or bad, but through the eyes of Spirit and the eyes of love, everything is sacred. Everyone is perfect. There is no good or bad, only expression of life.

After a few tears and the need to apologise to Spirit for being so angry for so long, I felt relief. The toxic energy hasn’t left me yet, but in time I know it will. Sometimes, for lasting healing to take place, it takes a while. Sometimes it doesn’t.

I can honour all the gifts  this challenging relationship has brought me: perseverance, patience, forgiveness, compassion, self worth, self confidence, self belief, and more. It has empowered me more than anything else to be myself no matter what anyone else thinks of me, and I have found that to be one of the most treasured gifts of all.

So, if you have someone in your life that tests you repeatedly, remember that they, like you, are an expression of the Divine.

Here is a poem about being hurt by someone and seeing the positive in it.

Love and peace

 

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