I’ve spent 49 years of my life being angry. Angry at myself and angry at a parent. To say I’ve had a difficult relationship with my Mum is an understatement. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when things seemed okay between us, but that was mostly because I was doing what she wanted me to do.
I lost myself by trying to live up to her expectations and by seeking her approval and love. I’m not going to go into detail in this post about the relationship, I’ll save that for another time. What I wanted to write about today, is the one Spiritual truth: that we are all expressions of Spirit, good and bad.
During meditation this morning, I sought to connect to a stuck energy that’s been in my body causing Bruxism, TMJ problems, dental problems, a stiff neck and shoulder, and more recently a sore throat. Yes, all of these relate to the THROAT Chakra, so it’s all to do with how I do, or do not express myself. All the words that I wish I had spoken. All the emotions that I have swallowed back.
After a good half an hour of meditating, once I had let go of the need to know the answers, the truth came in. And I know this truth, I’ve been living it for the last ten years while pursuing my Spiritual path.
We are all One. We are all connected. We are all expressions of Spirit. No matter who we are, or what we do. And we are all mirrors of each other. From some lifetime or another.
This truth, which I already knew, arrived at a deeper level. And it reminded me that my Mum was an expression of Spirit, just like I am, and just like everyone else is. So, all this time I have been angry at Spirit. Angry at Spirit expressing itself through my Mum’s undesirable behaviour.
How could I be angry anymore? When it is all Spirit. Good or bad. If all people were good, and all our experiences were good, how would we learn anything and evolve? It’s Human nature to judge something or someone as good or bad, but through the eyes of Spirit – the eyes of love, everything is sacred. everyone is perfect. There is no good or bad, only expression of life.
After a few tears and the need to apologise to Spirit for being so angry for so long, I felt a relief. The toxic energy hasn’t left me yet, but in time I know it will. Sometimes, for lasting healing to take place, it takes a while. Sometimes it doesn’t.
I can honour all the gifts that this challenging relationship has brought me: perseverance, patience, forgiveness, compassion, self worth, self confidence, self belief and more. It has empowered me more than anything else to be myself no matter what anyone else thinks of me, and I have found that to be one of the most treasured gifts of all.
So, if you have someone in your life that tests you repeatedly, remember that they, like you, are an expression of the Divine.